Sunday, October 2, 2011

Abraham Lincoln in the TVCU

Another Investigation by James Bojaciuk

Hello once more, shared-universe fans. I hasten to point out once more that I am not the singularly ugly person to the left. That is Abraham Lincoln, one of our greatest presidents ever. And unlike previous Presidents we've chronicled here, George Washington and Thomas Jefferson, Mr. Lincoln has an impressive history of crossovers and fictional appearences built up around himself.

But then, we should expect nothing less from one of the best friends of Bill and Ted, the Great Ones.

It should be noted here at the outset that this article relys heavily on the theory that Bill S. Preston, ESQ and Ted Theodore Logan are the founders of the Time Lord race. Their music informed all aspects of Time Lord society, and until the Last Great Time War destroyed them, made the Time Lords a shining light to all of space. Bill and Ted's successive phone booths were generation after generation of the newly explored time travel technology. This theory will be explored more in depth when the upcoming Bill and Ted timeline is published.


February 12, 1809—Abraham Lincoln is born in Illinois.

1848-1849—Flash for Freedom!; George MacDonald Fraser
Harry Flashman, the famous Victorian “hero” who was actually a markedly lucky villain meets a young Abe Lincoln. He has an immense dislike for the tricky (and honest, horror of horrors) future president. During this time Lincoln is a member of the Illinois House of Representatives.

The Flashman novels are in the TVCU via the short story “Flashman and the Tiger” in which he encountered Sherlock Holmes, and references in Philip José Farmer’s landmark biography Tarzan Alive.

March 4, 1861—Abraham Lincoln becomes President of the United Sates of America.

April 12, 1861—The American Civil War begins.

1861—The Time Tunnel—“The Death Trap”
“Doug and Tony next find themselves on the outskirts of Baltimore, in 1861, where they encounter a fanatical family of abolitionists who intend to murder Abraham Lincoln when the president passes through en route to his inauguration. They hope to plunge the country into a war that will end slavery. Jeremiah, the leader, has devised a clock operated explosive he intends to place on the president's train. Doug and Tony have their hands full, since the President's chief spy, Allan Pinkerton, believes they are the threat!” IMDB review written by CommanderBalok

1862—Jughead’s Time Police #5
Jughead’s Time Police revealed that Jughead was, by some accident or mistake, the ace agent of the Time Police—and that his seeming lack of interest in girls was because he was secretly dating his partner, January McAndrews (Archie’s great-great-great granddaughter).

As for this issue, “Jughead has been studying the history of the American Civil War (1861 - 1865). He is particularly interested in the Battle of Riverdale. A Union force defending the city was about to fall to a Confederate invasion force. But a mysterious Colonel Pickens appeared from nowhere, led a successful counterattack, before dissappearing. Modern Riverdale hoors him as a hero. Studying images of the man, Jughead realized why he looked familiar: Pickens was Jughead in disguise. Time to travel back towards the War and play his part in the battlefield. Or else the Confederates will capture a guest to Riverdale, Abraham Lincoln, and the War will take a different course.” Summary by Comic Vine

January 1863—Doctor Who: Backtime; Dick O’Neil and Frank Langford, published in Countdown 33-39
The Third Doctor gives Lincoln detailed plans about the Battle of Gettysburg to ensure a Union Victory.

Readers may object to the number of Doctor Who references on this particular timeline. But remember, Bill and Ted were the founders of both the TVCU Time Lord race and the Whoiverse Time Lord race—and so the Doctor would have an express interest in preserving the personal timelines of the Great Ones’ Historical Dudes to preserve his own existence.

1863—The Amazing Screw-On Head; Mike Mignola
From Wikipedia: “Screw-On Head is an agent for President Abraham Lincoln. He is summoned by Lincoln to track down Emperor Zombie, an undead occultist and originally a groundskeeper at Hyde Park. Zombie and his henchmen, the vampire Madam and scientist Dr. Snap, have stolen an ancient manuscript. This will allow him access to the temple of Gung, a warlord who nearly conquered the world over ten thousand years ago with supernatural power gained from "a fabulous melon-sized jewel", which Zombie obviously plans to use for himself.”

At the end of the story, Screw-On is given orders to take care of anything supernatural lurking in the western territories.

April 5, 1865—Doctor Who: Blood and Hope; Iain McLaughlin
The Fifth Doctor protects Lincoln from an assassination attempt in Richmond, Virginia.

April 14, 1865—Doctor Who: Minuet in Hell; radio drama
The Eighth Doctor warns Lincoln not to go to the theater, but Lincoln does not take his advice. It is unclear why the Doctor wished to interfere with historical events, especially events that struck to close to the histories of the Great Ones.

April 15, 1865—Touched by an Angel—“Beautiful Dreamer”
“…On April 14, 1865 Sam and Andrew arrive in post-Civil War Washington. Sam tells Andrew, then a caseworker, of his next assignment, Mr. Booth. Andrew meets Booth backstage at Ford's Theater, where stagehands are busily preparing for the evening's play. At the White House, Abraham Lincoln and his wife Mary make plans to attend the play. Monica, currently working in Annunciations, arrives as Mrs. Lincoln's seamstress. While Monica fits her dress, Mrs. Lincoln confides in Monica her worry for her husband's health, especially in light of a recent dream the President has had. That afternoon Andrew approaches Booth in a saloon outside the theater, and after a political discussion, comes to realize the depth of Booth's hatred for Lincoln. Andrew realizes Booth plans to kill the President. Meanwhile, Monica speaks to the President about his dream. Lincoln realizes that Monica is an angel and he tells her of the dream, in which he sees his corpse laying in the White House. Monica comforts Lincoln, and assures him that, whatever lies ahead, his work will be continued. The Lincoln's go to the theater. Booth, having a few drinks before the show, is delighted to learn that Lincoln's bodyguard is also in the saloon. Andrew struggles over stopping Booth from killing Lincoln, but Sam tells him they cannot interfere with a human's free will. Booth shoots Lincoln and flees the theater. Later Andrew appears to Booth in the barn he is using as a hideout, revealing himself to be an angel, and tells Booth that he did not act according to God's will, but that God offers Booth forgiveness. Booth is shot by a soldier and dies, unable to ask God for forgiveness. Andrew reports back to Sam, who informs him that God has a new job for him. God wants Andrew to be An Angel of Death, and his first assignment is to escort Lincoln home. Back in present-day, Tess takes young Calvin to the Lincoln Memorial, where he admits what he really wants to be when he grows up - the President of the United States”—episode summary from the excellent fan site,

April 15, 1865—Abraham Lincoln is reportedly assassinated by John Wilkes Booth.

There is another curious fact. Over the decades another conspiracy theory has grown up around the assassination, one which records that instead of being a passive victim, Lincoln was forewarned of the attack, and, as the internet tells me, Lincoln shot first!

Some possible evidence for this can be found in the opening sequence of Police Squad.

June 22, 1865—The American Civil War ends.

1883—The Rifleman—“Honest Abe”
Lucas and Mark McCain try to figure out if a seemingly insane man living in their town is actually the ex-president, or an insane man.

1987—Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure
Bill and Ted only want to start a rock band in their garage and slack off for the rest of their lives. But if they fail this year of school, their junior year of high school, Ted will be sent off to military school in Alaska! Worse, in the future their music is responsible for the foundation of a nearly perfect time traveling society—and if Ted goes to Alaska, the future is destroyed. The only way to save their most egregious grades is to pass the History Exam. And that is a most hopeless proposition—especially since their studying tactic is to ask people outside the Circle K random questions about history.

So the future sends them a time traveling phone booth; and so, they must kidnap “Historical Dudes” and use their knowledge to pass the test. Bill and Ted kidnap: Napoleon, Socrates, Billy the Kid, Sigmund Freud, Bach, Beethoven, Genghis Khan, Joan of Arc, and most importantly for our purposes, Abraham Lincoln. The Historical Dudes are arrested for causing a riot at the mall—Lincoln was thought to have stolen his clothes from a gimmick-photo shop—but are rescued by Bill and Ted, and then everyone goes and helps Bill and Ted pass their exam.

Somehow, everything turns out okay.

Crossover notice: the footage of Napoleons troops attacking Moscow comes directly from the 1950s movie version of War and Peace, resulting in a cockeyed crossover between Tolstoy’s novel and Bill and Ted.

1988—At some time around this year, Bill and Ted take Lincoln, Billy the Kid, and Napoleon to a trash festival (Bill and Ted’s Excellent Comic Book #6).

1990—Bill and Ted’s Excellent Comic Book #1
Bill and Ted invite all of their friend to come to see them renew their vows to their Princess Babes Joanna and Elizabeth. Lincoln has, by this point, become one of their closest friends (and the one most likely to randomly party!)—and he assists them in taking care of the time-lost criminals who try and murder Bill and Ted.

Crossover notice: Hergé famous reporter Tintin was also invited to the vow renewal.

1990—Bill and Ted’s Excellent Comic Book #2
In the wake of the vow renewal, Death has retired and ran off with a second-generation TARDIS for a much needed vacation. This would be bad enough, but Hell is giving up its dead and zombies are wondering about Bill and Ted’s house, making a mess of things. Lincoln, Billy the Kid, and Napoleon battle the zombies back—then, later, force them to clean up the mess they’ve made.

Death running off would be bad enough, but this storyline must occur at the same time as Sandman: Season of Mists. Satan has abandoned Hell (for a time, at least) and all of the damned souls are forced back to walk the worlds they left at death, which explains the zombies surrounding Bill, Ted, and Lincoln.

At this time the exact relation between Bill and Ted’s Death and Sandman’s sister, Death, has not yet been fully determined.

1990—Bill and Ted’s Excellent Comic Book #7
In the final part of a many-issued homage to Doctor Who’s “Trial of a Time Lord,” Bill and Ted are rescued from the literal embodiment of time by a cavalry made up of their wives, Abraham Lincoln, Genghis Khan, Billy the Kid, Napoleon, and Death. Also: all of the people who escaped Hell issues ago finally end up back where they belong.

1991—Bill and Ted’s Excellent Comic Book #11
After an entire lifetime spent in our public school system, Bill and Ted finally learn that Abraham Lincoln was assassinated. They embark on a mission to save his life, but only make things worse by twisting time into a paradox that results in a future world where the Soviets won the cold war. Somehow, Bill, Ted, and Death manage to set time right. Though the comic does not say as much, Lincoln agrees to die if it means life for his country.

Death then drags Bill and Ted to Heaven—where Lincoln is Head Party Organizer, and has traded his trademark black suit and stovetop hat for an outfit all in white.

Crossover notice: one of Bill and Ted’s many plans, as seen on their blackboard, is to contact Spider-Man.

1991—Bill and Ted’s Excellent Comic Book #12
Abraham Lincoln is in attendance at the first birthday of Bill and Ted’s sons.

1995—Weird Science—“Community Property”
This episode of Weird Science is the first appearance of Gary Bullock in the role of Abraham Lincoln, a role he would reprise in twice each in Sabrina the Teenage Witch and Teen Angel. I am treating all of Bullock’s appearances as the president as crossovers; Weird Science and Sabrina are already in the TVCU, thus only Teen Angel is brought into the TVCU by Bullock’s Lincoln.

1996—Teen Angel—“Honest Abe and Popular Steve” and “Who’s the Boss”
From Wikipedia, “Teen Angel follows a high school boy, Steve Beauchamp (Corbin Allred), and his recently-deceased best friend, Marty DePolo, (Mike Damus) who, after dying from eating a six-month-old hamburger from under Steve's bed on a dare, hangs around as a kind of dimwitted guardian angel to Allred's character. Ron Glass played God's cousin, Rod. Maureen McCormick, who played Steve's mother, Judy, left the series halfway through its run.”

I include this show on the basis of Gary Bollock’s portrayal of Abraham Lincoln. I’m inclined to treat his Lincoln, which appeared on a number of 1990s television sitcoms, as a crossover of sorts. Thus the inclusion of Teen Angel in the TVCU. It is highly unlikely that Rod is God’s cousin, however; more likely he’s an angel who knew that if he didn’t give himself a highly inflated resume, the dimwitted Marty and Steve would have ignored him.

Per Wikipedia, in the episode “Honest Abe and Popular Steve,” “Marty starts bringing in historical figures to help Steve with his life (Abraham Lincoln to write his history papers, Cleopatra to give him love advice so he can date Homecoming Queen Amy Kosover, Pablo Picasso to design "Steve for Class President" campaign posters, etc.) Rod decides that since Marty has done such a good job with Steve that it's time for him to move on to famous jerk rock star, Sammy Noah (Dee Snider).”

In “Who’s the Boss” Marty and Steve throw a birthday party, inviting both cute girls and famous dead people—among them (the famous dead dudes, not the cute girls) Abraham Lincoln. After his journeys with Bill and Ted, Lincoln has come to love a good party!

2001—Sabrina the Teenage Witch—“Sabrina and the Candidate”
Sabrina’s aunt attempts to get Lincoln to advise her campaign for mayor, but he refuses and returns to Heaven.

One more thing. My sources tell me this picture of Lincoln was taken surely after the Bill and Ted induced "thrash festival."

Did I miss something? Do you just want to discuss shared universes in general?
Feel free to join the discussion at our <a href="!/groups/146387439534/">Facebook group</a>!
(Take note that due to a long standing HTML error, I cannot usually respond to comments on the blog itself. So if you wish to get in contact with me, Facebook is the way to go.

No comments:

Post a Comment