Monday, March 6, 2017

A Belated CHRISTMAS STORY

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You'll shoot your eye out.

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It's March, and I'm covering A Christmas Story.  It's been a Christmas tradition for me to cover a Christmas themed subject every December 25 on the blog, but I've been a bit behind schedule.  So since we're behind schedule, and we've finally wrapped up the TVCU Crew celebration (It's a major award!) let's get going with Ralphie and his Red Rider BB gun.

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sometime between the 17th and 18th centuries--TALES OF MONKEY ISLAND--It all makes sense now.  The earliest appearance of the Leg Lamp (chronologically within the TVCU) is this pirate adventure where the the lamp is part of a voodoo curse, and now it all makes sense.

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1912 to Present--Santa has appeared on screen since 1912, in over a thousand films and television shows. Not all are TVCU canon. Of those that are, some are of the “real” Santa and some are just a man in the suit, but it’s a TVCU concept that anyone wearing the suit can become possessed by the Christmas Spirit, a magical tulpa like aspect of Jesus. Some of those appearances from the TVCU (or Television Crossover Multiverse) are: BABES IN TOYLAND, ROAD TO UTOPIA, SANTA AND THE FAIRY SNOW QUEEN, I LOVE LUCY, THE JACK BENNY PROGRAM, RUDOLPH, THE RED-NOSED REINDEER, THE FLINTSTONES, THUNDERBIRDS, BATMAN, MISTEROGERS, THE LION, THE WITCH AND THE WARDROBE, FROSTY THE SNOWMAN, BEWITCHED, THE BRADY BUNCH, SANTA AND THE THREE BEARS, ADAM-12, MISTER ROGERS’ NEIGHBORHOOD, THE FIRST EASTER RABBIT, RUDOLPH’S SHINY NEW YEAR, MCCLOUD, A FLINTSTONE CHRISTMAS, LOU GRANT, RAGGEDY ANN AND ANDY IN THE GREAT SANTA CLAUS CAPER, ALL IN THE FAMILY, BENJI’S VERY OWN CHRISTMAS STORY, LAVERNE & SHIRLEY, RUDOLPH AND FROSTY’S CHRISTMAS IN JULY, BUGS BUNNY’S LOONEY CHRISTMAS TALES, THE LITTLE RASCALS’ CHRISTMAS SPECIAL, A FAMILY CIRCUS CHRISTMAS, CASPER’S FIRST CHRISTMAS, ALICE, YOGI’S FIRST CHRISTMAS, A CHIPMUNK CHRISTMAS, LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE, FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH, DIFF’RENT STROKES, GLORIA, A CHRISTMAS STORY, T.J. HOOKER, TRANCERS, WHO’S THE BOSS?, ST. ELSEWHERE, THE FALL GUY, BABAR AND FATHER CHRISTMAS, THE GOLDEN GIRLS, D.C. FOLLIES, JAKE AND THE FATMAN, THE FACTS OF LIFE, CHEERS, NIGHT COURT, THE CHARMINGS, 3-2-1, HIGHWAY TO HEAVEN, CHRISTMAS AT PEE WEE’S PLAYHOUSE, PUNKY BREWSTER, ERNEST SAVES CHRISTMAS, SCROOGED, A VERY BRADY CHRISTMAS, SANTA BARBERA, THE REAL GHOSTBUSTERS, MACGYVER, HOME ALONE, A DIFFERENT WORLD, RED DWARF, KNOTS LANDING, INSPECTOR GADGET SAVES CHRISTMAS, MARRIED WITH CHILDREN, HOMICIDE: LIFE ON THE STREET, THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS, BONKERS, PICKET FENCES, EEK! THE CAT, FAMILY MATTERS, MARTIN, THE NANNY, THE FRESH PRINCE OF BEL-AIR, THE SANTA CLAUSE, LOIS & CLARK: THE NEW ADVENTURES OF SUPERMAN, MURPHY BROWN, BEVERLY HILLS 90210, A.J.’S TIME TRAVELLERS, V.R. TROOPERS, MIGHTY MORPHIN POWER RANGERS, THE TICK, SISTER SISTER, FREAKAZOID!, NEWSRADIO, ELMO SAVES CHRISTMAS, SONIC CHRISTMAS BLAST, CAROLINE IN THE CITY, 3RD ROCK FROM THE SUN, ROSEANNE, THE MUNSTERS’ SCARY LITTLE CHRISTMAS, THE DREW CAREY SHOW, EARLY EDITION, MEEGO, STEP BY STEP, OPERATION BUGS BUNNY, RUDOLPH THE RED-NOSED REINDEER: THE MOVIE, SABRINA THE TEENAGE WITCH, THE NEW ADDAMS FAMILY, RECESS, BARNEY’S NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS, FUTURAMA, GRANDMA GOT RUN OVER BY A REINDEER, FRASIER, PROVIDENCE, RUDOLPH THE RED-NOSED REINDEER & THE ISLAND OF MISFIT TOYS, BIG WOLF ON CAMPUS, JOHNNY BRAVO, SPIN CITY, THE HUGHLEYS, THE PARKERS, ROSWELL, THE LOBO PARAMILITARY CHRISTMAS SPECIAL, EASTENDERS, THE SANTA CLAUSE 2, THE HOUND OF THE BASKERVILLES, FRIDAY AFTER NEXT, RUGRATS, JACKIE CHAN ADVENTURES, BECKER, THE HEBREW HAMMER, THE POWERPUFF GIRLS: ‘TWAS THE FIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS, CAILLOU'S HOLIDAY MOVIE, ELF, STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE: BERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS, THE ADVENTURES OF JIMMY NEUTRON: BOY GENIUS, FELIX THE CAT SAVES CHRISTMAS, MICKEY’S TWICE UPON A CHRISTMAS, SEED OF CHUCKY, LAX, AMERICAN DRAGON: JAKE LONG, THE GRIM ADVENTURES OF BILLY & MANDY, THAT ‘70S SHOW, FOSTER’S HOME FOR IMAGINARY FRIENDS, MY LIFE AS A TEENAGE ROBOT, THE SANTA CLAUSE 3: THE ESCAPE CLAUSE, BLACK CHRISTMAS, HOGFATHER, CHRISTMAS IN WONDERLAND, MY FRIENDS TIGGER AND POOH - SUPER SLEUTH CHRISTMAS MOVIE, A DENNIS THE MENACE CHRISTMAS, SHREK THE HALLS, ER, ELMO’S CHRISTMAS COUNTDOWN, SOUTH PARK, A MUPPETS CHRISTMAS: LETTERS TO SANTA, THE FAIRLY ODDPARENTS, BATMAN: THE BRAVE AND THE BOLD, A MISER BROTHERS’ CHRISTMAS, HANNAH MONTANA, FAIRY TALE POLICE, MICKEY MOUSE CLUBHOUSE, IT’S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA, SANTA BUDDIES, BACK AT THE BARNYARD, DORA THE EXPLORER, PHINEAS AND FERB, PREP & LANDING, THE MIDDLE, CSI: NY, 30 ROCK, PREP & LANDING STOCKING STUFFER: OPERATION SECRET SANTA, THE PENGUINS OF MADAGASCAR, CRAZY DRACULA SPRING BREAK WEEKEND, A VERY HAROLD & KUMAR 3D CHRISTMAS, ICE AGE: A MAMMOTH CHRISTMAS, PREP & LANDING: NAUGHTY VS. NICE, DAN VS., RISE OF THE GUARDIANS, SANTA PAWS 2: THE SANTA PUPS, SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS, REGULAR SHOW, THE LOONEY TUNES SHOW, LES MISERABLES, THE SIMPSONS, SCARY MOVIE 5, INTO THE WOOD, CHASING FAIRY TAIL, MISTER SCROOGE TO SEE YOU, THE AMAZING WORLD OF GUMBALL, GLEE, THE NOSTALGIA CRITIC, GRUMPY CAT’S WORST CHRISTMAS EVER, ELF: BUDDY’S MUSICAL CHRISTMAS, TWO AND A HALF MEN, THE LIBRARIANS, DOCTOR WHO, FAMILY GUY, AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE, BOB’S BURGERS, POWER RANGERS DINO CHARGE, MARVEL SUPER HERO ADVENTURES: FROST FIGHT!, and CORONATION STREET. (And I’m sure I’ve forgotten some still.)

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December 1940--A CHRISTMAS STORY--Santa appears in this story of a child and a dream.  This is in because it has crossed with WAREHOUSE 13.  It then further pulls in PREP AND LANDING and BLACK XMAS.  [The screenplay for A Christmas Story is based on material from author Jean Shepherd's collection of short stories, In God We Trust, All Others Pay Cash. Three of the semi-autobiographical short stories on which the film is based were originally published in Playboy magazine between 1964 and 1966. Shepherd later read "Duel in the Snow, or Red Ryder nails the Cleveland Street Kid" and told the otherwise unpublished story "Flick's Tongue" on his WOR Radio talk show, as can be heard in one of the DVD extras. Bob Clark states on the DVD commentary that he became interested in Shepherd's work when he heard "Flick's Tongue" on the radio in 1968. Additional source material for the film, according to Clark, came from unpublished anecdotes that Shepherd told live audiences "on the college circuit."

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Summer 1941--MY SUMMER STORY [AKA IT RUNS IN THE FAMILY]--A sequel to Ralphie's story.

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1942--AMERICAN PLAYHOUSE--"Any Friend of Nicholas Nickleby Is a Friend of Mine"--Ralphie (called Ralphie Spaulding in this story but it's the same Ralphie) meets a man claiming to be THE Charles Dickens.

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Mid 1940s--THE STAR-CROSSED ROMANCE OF JOSEPHINE COSNOWSKI--Ralphie's Thanksgiving story revolving around his first romance with a neighbor.  You can watch the whole movie here.

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Mid to late 1940s--THE GREAT AMERICAN FOURTH OF JULY AND OTHER DISASTERS--More stories featuring a teen Jean Shepherd, I mean Ralphie Parker.  Watch it here.  

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1946--A CHRISTMAS STORY 2--Ralphie wants a 1939 Mercury Eight convertible for Christmas.

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late 1940s--Prep and Landing: Naughty vs. Nice--James Bojaciuk reports:  I'm watching Prep and Landing: Naughty vs. Nice on tv right now. A little girl who tried to get herself on the "nice" list by hacking Santa's database had a flashback to visiting Santa at the mall. Behind her in line were Ralphie and the kid in the leather helmet from A Christmas Story. Despite the modern technology seen, the story would have to take place in the late 1940s.



Late 1940s--THE PHANTOM OF THE OPEN HEARTH--Ralphie Parker is now a teen during prom season.  Oddly, the lamp situation is reenacted, as if the whole family had completely forgotten about the incident from a few years earlier.  The lamp won't stay dead.  (In reality, Ralphie Parker is a fictionalized version of Jean Shepherd who wrote of his childhood.  This TV movie was also inspired by his stories.  In the real world, the lamp thing actually happened when he was a teen.  This is more accurate.  The lamp from the more famous movie was a leftover prop from the 1974 film Black Xmas.  It was preserved and has made its rounds in Hollywood.  In fact, the house from A Christmas Story is now a museum where replicas of the lamp are sold, including the box.  One such box and lamp used to tour with a less than famous band, and has recently been sold to Jay and Silent Bob's Secret Stash as seen on COMIC BOOK MEN.  The lamp from the TV movie was actually broken during the filming of the movie.  And of course the real lamp did break, but other leg lamps probably exist out there somewhere.)



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1950--AMERICAN PLAYHOUSE--"Concealed Enemies, Part I:  Suspicion"--A dramatized account of the actual events that led to the 1950 conviction of former U.S. State Department official Alger Hiss of perjury before a federal grand jury and his resulting imprisonment.  Ralphie Parker is involved.  This is based on a true story, in which Jean Shepherd was involved.

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1950s--OLLIE HOPNOODLE'S HAVEN OF BLISS--The story of Ralphie grown up.

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December 2006--BLACK CHRISTMAS--Sana appears.  This film seems to be connected to the original version of Black Christmas, A Christmas Story, and Warehouse 13 due to a certain lamp in the house, certainly a "major award", and from Italy, as it's "Fragile".  The lamp was broken in the 40s, but somehow restored, and relocated to two houses involved in very similar sets of murders.  It's no wonder eventually it wound up in Warehouse 13.



December 2011--WAREHOUSE 13--Peter Lattimer touches an object once belonging to Philip Van Doren Stern, the author of THE GREATEST GIFT, the story that was the basis of IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE.  This transports Peter to the Mirror Universe, the world where Peter hadn't been born.  This implies that THE GREATEST GIFT really happened, though perhaps under slightly different circumstances.  Also of note in this episode is the appearance of the "leg" lamp from A CHRISTMAS STORY, pulling one of my favorite holiday classics into the TVCU.  

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Christmas 2013--COUGAR TOWN--"Christmas Story Promos"--The pink bunny costumes are still being made and given out as Christmas presents.  I couldn't embed the video but you can watch it here.

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December 2014--KRAMPUS--"The Secret Society of Santas"--Somehow all the various evolutions of Santa separate into separate beings.  But that's not the point of posting this.  I'm just saving that info for another project.  This Secret Society of Santa has the leg lamp in their headquarters.  They must have stolen it from Warehouse 13, and this is confirmation that there is something mystical about this lamp.  But it is a major award.



ALTERNATE REALITIES:

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FACEBOOK LAND--Ralph versus the Walking Dead!  I couldn't embed this one either, so watch it here.  

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WRONSKIVERSE--1993--COLD WAR--A Super Comics crossover event that ran in all the Super Comics titles of December 1994.  Powerman (Chris Kowalski), the Heroes of Earth, and the Champions team up to stop several cold based villains from freezing the world.  Crossovers included the Rankin-Bass Rudolph and Frosty, Bedford Falls (from IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE), the Tim Allen version of Santa from THE SANTA CLAUSE, the PEANUTS gang, and an aged Ralphie Parker staring into a store window at a Red Rider BB gun.  This story can't be included in my I WAS A TEENAGE SUPER-HERO timeline because in the TVCU, Bob Wronski stopped operating as Powerman by 1993, and thus this only happened in the alternate Wronskiverse.  

Coming up next will be a celebration of our first fictional president!!!  I double dog dare you to read it.

(And be sure to drink your Ovaltine......)

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