Monday, September 10, 2018

The Haphazard Adventures of IIvan in the TVCU

Updated April 1st, 2018

Lost in Time, Lost in Space, and Meaning:
The Haphazard Adventures of IIvan in the TVCU
by Kevin Heim

IIvan Schablotski and Naut Numb escape the Death Star
Notes highlighted in Yellow are recent additions to the timeline.

Ivan Ronald Schablotski has become rather well known among fans of the TVCU, which is probably a bad thing in the long run, since this character is not from television or movies or comics or cartoons. This character is me, as I exist in the world where novels and television shows and movies and comics and cartoons actually happen. The character has been around awhile, and as with any long-running character, he's had some pretty outlandish stories that are best forgotten lest they destroy whatever it is that makes the character likable. Spider-Man once turned into a giant spider and gave birth to himself, just so he could have organic web-shooters like in the movie... which was promptly ignored thereafter.  Supergirl was really a fallen angel fused with an extra-dimensional blob of amorphous protoplasm, just so DC could have a Supergirl without violating their Post-Crisis policy of "no more Kryptonians", till they decided that was a dumb rule. And Ivan Ronald Schablotski spent a year living in 1942... when he ended World War 2 three years early.

Explaining this wouldn't be worth it, since you can see the result for yourself in the timeline of Ivan Ronald Schablotski, titled SOME PEOPLE CALL ME CRAZY. The important thing here is that he saw the error of his ways once he returned to 2015 and then went back to 1942 and undid his good deeds. This left the Ivan from 12 months earlier still in 1942, though, and he wound up living a very different life than his one-year older self who stranded him there. Thus, despite being born in 1969, this new IIvan's story really beings in 1942, where it diverges from the other Ivan's life, so it is in 1942 that we begin. 

Since this Ivan time travels a lot, and his story is already more convoluted than necessary, this timeline follows his life as it happens to him, rather than setting events chronologically. This means we start in the year 1942, and bounce up and down the timeline from there. His life prior to arriving in 1942 is exactly the same as the other Ivan's, right up until 2015, so duplicating all that information is unnecessary.

The Life of IIvan
October 1969 - October 2015 - The life of IIvan is the same as the life of Ivan Ronald Schablotski, since they are the same person until a time travel paradox leads to the creation of two version who experienced different versions of World War Two. For the life of the original, including his WW2 experiences, please see:  SOME PEOPLE CALL ME CRAZY
In brief, he was born in 1969, became a werewolf in 1981, was recruited into the Theurgy Society's Enigma Quorum in 1984, was imbued with Anti-Logic in 1987, formed the Vogue Rogues in 1988, served in the United States Ordnance Department from 1990 to 2010, went to work as a lab tech at Arkham Sanitarium and joined the Ghostbusters, meeting a lot of people along the way, all of which leads to his involvement with a time travel incident in Hill Valley CA that sends him back in time to...

The other Ivan examines the Cube
George Maxon shows IIvan his Cube

Universal Constance vs IIvan
Nerinea in 1942
IIvan arrives by accident in January 1942 Chicago Illinois, in full Ghostbusters gear. He encounters police Detective Dick Tracy, who sees his strange outfit and equipment and suspects IIvan is a member of the All-American Squad, a war-time organization of unusual people that mostly perform pubic relations functions to encourage the public to buy war bonds.  IIvan takes a train to New York, in hopes of finding locating a well-known inventor who may have the scientific know-how to send him home. When the train stops near Cleveland due to terrorist activity at a weapons depot, IIvan investigates and finds a man in a mask wielding a Lament Configuration (which he refers to as his "Cosmic Cube". IIvan warns him that his amazing powers come not from the cosmos, but from Hell, but the terrorist, a war profiteer named George Maxon doesn't believe him and continues using it to destroy the compound. A blast from IIvan's Tillinghast Generator causes Pinhead to materialize and he takes hold of the masked villain, dragging him to Hell. IIvan throws the cube into a fire and reboards the train, where witnesses swear he is a hero. Unknown to IIvan, as soon as the train pulls out, another Ivan Ronald Schablotski, accompanied by Nerinea (a woman from the alternate 2015 in possession of technology similar to a micro stargate) and Universal Constance (a woman from all 2015s who is aware of her own counterparts in all timelines) emerge from hiding. As soon as the train leaves for New York, Ivan, Constance, and Nerinea recover the cube and free George from Hell, then to the year 2015, already in progress. Maxon flees to Germany and claims to be a Nazi officer;  with the cursed cube of power in hand, and a head resembling a red skull, he was accepted immediately, leading the timeline to play out more or less as it was supposed to.
Universal Constance and the Aether-Mobile
Ivan reaches into Hell
Dick Tracy is the titular detective from the DICK TRACY comic strip started in 1931 (the 2-way wrist radio would not be introduced until 1946). The unnamed inventor residing in the Empire State Building is Doctor Clark Savage, Jr. from DOC SAVAGE MAGAZINE #1 (1933). The All-American Squadron is an homage to the All-Star Squadron (DC Comics) and All-Winners Squad (Marvel Comics) as well as other World War II era super groups and the comicbook company All-American Publications. Nerinea is a test subject from the PORTAL video game series (2007). George Maxon, aka the original Red Skull, first appeared in CAPTAIN AMERICA COMICS #1 (1941) by Timely (later Marvel) Comics. The version of Hell visited is from THE HELLBOUND HEART (1986), written by Clive Barker. Universal Constance is an original character, but she is an extra-dimensional counterpart to Entropy Emily, a character from THE INDESTRUCTIBLES, written by Matthew Phillion in 2014.

"Alvin Howell" and Winston Churchill
1942 (again) - IIvan Schablotski, the one that arrived recently in January 1942 and stopped Maxon, only to have the criminal reappear shortly thereafter, travels to New York as before but without his victory against the Skull to serve as his credentials, he is viewed with great suspicion and forced to join STFU (Special Task Force Unicorn), a unit operating in secret (as opposed to the All-American Squadron, which performs many public relations functions) in order to earn PUFF (Perpetual Unearthly Forces Fund, a bounty paid by the US Government for killing monsters) exemption. He is sent to Europe behind enemy lines as Agent Howl alongside a vampire called Agent Blood, a golem called Agent Franks, and a gorgon called Agent Rhodes. While in Europe, he meets Winston Churchill, who, like FDR, is not fond of werewolves. In between missions IIvan lives in Arkham MA using the name of Alvin Howell, based on his "Agent Howl" code name, but his active duty status prevents him from having the same number of encounters that the previous IIvan had, and he was only a part time employee of Arkham Sanitarium, never credited with being a doctor.

Agents Rhodes, Franks, and Howl
Rhodes in battle-mode
As before, Maxon is the original Red Skull from CAPTAIN AMERICA COMICS #1 (1941). Special Task Force Unicorn, PUFF, and Agent Franks are from the MONSTER HUNTER series of novels by Larry Correia, begun with MONSTER HUNTER INTERNATIONAL (2009). Here, STFU is conflated with the Creature Commandos, who first appeared in WEIRD WAR TALES #93 (1980) by DC Comics. Agent Blood is Nathanial Cade, a vampire in the service of the United States per the novel BLOOD OATH (2010) and its sequels, by Christopher Farnsworth. Arkham, Massachusetts and Arkham Sanitarium are from the Mythos stories of H. P. Lovecraft. 

- One of IIvan's early missions overseas is to recover a scientist being sheltered by French partisans, where IIvan finds himself at a castle in the Margeride region of France. Here he meets a werewolf named Ardent who claims to be 250 years old, and was the basis for the story of Beauty and the Beast, though the truth was grimmer than the fairy tale suggests. Ardent was cursed by his father's magicians for being homosexual, as the King refused to acknowledge that his heir would never carry on the bloodline. Belle's brother Ludovic was the hero that broke his curse, but lycanthropy is not so easily cured, and in time Ludovic aged and died while Ardent remained, hidden from humanity ever since that time in the 1760s when he was accused of being the Beast of Gévaudan. Ardent does help get Professor Jacob Barnhardt, a German jew, into Allied hands, and considers joining the Partisans in their efforts against the Nazis.
Prince Ardent is the beast from the story BEAUTY AND THE BEAST as depicted in the 1946 French film of that name, as is Ludovic. The Beast of Gévaudan is a legendary monster credited with several human and animal deaths, detailed in several works of fiction (beginning with Élie Berthet's 1858 novel La Bête du Gévaudan). Some stories consider the beast to be a werewolf or werewolf-like creature, such as Robert Sherard's 1904 novel Wolves: An Old Story Retold and the fifth season of the MTV television series TEEN WOLF (2011-2017). Professor Barnhardt is a scientist from the 1951 film THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL.

Kornblow and Schablotski
DEC - IIvan, having earned his PUFF exemption, is released from STFU service and returns to the United States. At the airport he meets Ronald Kornblow, a well-intentioned hotel employee heading to Casablanca, Morocco to seize a chance to run an entire resort hotel himself. IIvan is greeted by All-American Squad member Captain Pizzazz, who has been assigned to escort him to a secret base in Colorado to attempt to send him back to 2015 using a Stargate in the possession of the United States Government. The Accelerator, another member of the All-American Squadron with super-speed, agrees to help, paralleling the aid he offered to the first Ivan in the now-erased timeline, but this time the Atlanteans do not offer their help, as IIvan never met or protected the rulers of Atlantis from attack. As a result, IIvan winds up going not back to the future, but a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...
PUFF (Perpetual Unearthly Forces Fund) and STFU (Special task Force Unicorn) are from the MONSTER HUNTER INTERNATIONAL books by Larry Correia. Ronald Kornblow and his job in Morocco are from the 1946 film A NIGHT IN CASABLANCA. Captain Pizzazz is a variation on Mary Marvel, a superhero that first appeared in Fawcett's CAPTAIN MARVEL ADVENTURES #18 in 1942. Stargate is from the 1994 film STARGATE. The Accelerator is a version of the Flash from FLASH COMICS #1 (1940).

Ivan Ronald Schablotski, having been time-twinned in 1942 due to a paradox involving Nazis, Hell-Priests, and a tricked-out Delorean, fought an epic war against tyranny for 4 years using the name of Alvin Howell. In 1945 he was allowed to use a Stargate to attempt to travel back to the future he came from, 2015. Instead he wound up a stranger in a strange land on the planet Geonosis. Now IIvan finds himself gating from planet to planet, striving to put right what once went wrong, and hoping each time that his next leap will be the leap home...

"Is all this violence really necessary?"
21 BBY (Before the Battle of Yavin) - IIvan emerges from a Stargate on the planet Geonosis and discovers that he is once again in the midst of a great war. Unsure of what is happening or who is fighting who or why, he initially tries to break up a fight between a human and a Dathomirian, both wielding energy swords. He quickly learns that he is in the way and retreats, having also learned that he does not understand any of the languages being spoken. Equipped with his Ghostbusting gear but no weapons that would be practical against living foes, IIvan seeks shelter while trying to reactivate the Stargate to find, if not his own place and time, at least a safer one. He eventually initiates another warp tunnel, but it only sends him 19 years forward in time.
The Hell-Priests are Cenobites from the HELLRAISER series. the Delorean is the one used by Doc Emmet Brown for time travel in the BACK TO THE FUTURE series. Stargates are from the film STARGATE and its television spin-offs. Geonosis, Dathomirians, and the energy swords (lightsabers) are from the STAR WARS franchise. 21 BBY denotes this as taking place 21 years before the Battle of Yavin, which references the destruction of the first Death Star by the Rebel Alliance in the film STAR WARS (aka STAR WARS EPISODE IV: A NEW HOPE). The battle on Geonosis that IIvan discovers takes place during the Clone Wars (between STAR WARS EPISODE II ATTACK OF THE CLONES and STAR WARS EPISODE III: REVENGE OF THE SITH), as seen in the semi-canonical animated STAR WARS: THE CLONE WARS, all of which takes place well before the "Common Era" (CE, aka A.D.) on Earth, and sets it firmly within the RISE OF THE EMPIRE era of the Star Wars: Legends timeline.

Darth Vader, in an Elevator? That's funny, right? Maybe not.
0 BBY (The year of the Battle of Yavin) -  IIvan winds up on Coruscant, the planet-wide capital city of the Galactic Empire. His attempts to fin someone that can teach him the language everyone seems to speak draw the attention of the Dark Lord of the Sith, Darth Vader. IIvan recognizes the figure from the Star Wars movies and realizes where and when he must be. While being taken to an office for interrogation, IIvan makes a comment about Darth Vader on the Elevator, and "Little Orphan Ani", and though he does not understand him, Vader knows he's being mocked and force-chokes the foreigner. IIvan retaliates, firing his Tillinghast Generator as a weapon. Disoriented by the sight of extradimensional organisms, Vader lets IIvan slip through his fingers and IIvan flees back to the underground Stargate. 
Blackhole Trooper
He is recaptured by by a Blackhole Trooper and taken to the recently completed Death Star for further questioning about who he is and what his alien technology does. Once it is determined that the PKE meter can detect midichlorians and other abnormalities, IIvan is sent with his gear to combat the dianogas dwelling in the space stations sewer system. With no natural predators and tremendous feeding opportunities the Trash Monsters were beginning to outgrow their environment and attacking people. Dumped into a trash compactor unit on the detention level, IIvan fights off a few and found that the monsters are easily hurt by proton streams. At the end of each day he is locked in a detention cell.
Coruscant, Yavin, the Death Star, the Galactic Empire, stormtroopers, dianoga trash monsters, Dark Lord of the Sith, Darth Vader, and Anakin "Little Orphan Annie" Skywalker are from the original STAR WARS film, set in the REBELLION ERA of the Star Wars Legends timeline, though Midichlorians are from the film STAR WARS EPISODE 1: THE PHANTOM MENACE (1999) of the RISE OF THE EMPIRE era, and Blackhole Troopers are from the 1979 Los Angeles Times comic strip GAMBLER'S WORLD. Stargate is from the 1994 film STARGATE.  The Tillinghast generator is based on technology from the story FROM BEYOND written in 1920 by H. P. Lovecraft. PKE Meters and Proton Streams are elements from GHOSTBUSTERS (1984).

IIvan encounters a Sullustan named Naut Numb, though that's as far as IIvan's understanding of his language goes. Naut is in an adjacent cell and manages to get Shablotski to pass him the projector from his Tillinghast Generator one day. Using his engineering skills, Naut rigs the device to override the security locks on their cells, and both aliens escape. They make their way to a hangar bay with a Corellian freighter waiting. Aware that they are seeing the Millennium Falcon from the movies about the ship's crew he'd seen in his own time, IIvan suggests they sneak aboard. When they witness that crew running towards the ship, with Dark Vader and his Stormtroopers converging on the area from another corridor, IIvan and Naut hide in the secret cargo holds that had recently concealed Han Solo, Luke Skywalker, and Leia Organa. When they all land at Massassi Station on Yavin's fourth moon, the duo slip out before the battle against the Death Star begins.
Naut Numb is a Sullistan, a race that first appeared in RETURN OF THE JEDI (1983). The Death Star, Yavin IV, Millinium Falcon, Han Solo, Luke Skywalker, Leia Organa, Darth Vader, and Stormtroopers first appeared in STAR WARS (1977). The Tillinghast generator is based on technology from the story FROM BEYOND written in 1920 by H. P. Lovecraft.

1 ABY 
IIvan and Naut shop for droids
THE MAGNIFICENT SIX - On Yavin IV, IIvan and Naut Numb acquire some astro-nav droids from some Jawas and try to establish themselves as technicians within the mining colony outside of Massassi Station. Shortly after, Imperial forces overrun the moon, and the duo trade their droids to a Lepi starship captain named Sikka for passage offworld along with her copilot, a sentient humanoid plant named Trung, who have been smuggling Slurm to Resistance camps. An Asogian information trader named Extersial gets them the authorization codes to escape the Empire's blockade of the moon in exchange for traveling with them and helps IIvan get aboard the ship when they miss the take-off. As they enter orbit to leave Yavin IV, IIvan dubs them the Magnificent Six, and predicts that they will have epic adventures together once the Empire crumbles in three more years (none of which is understood by any of the others, who do not speak English). However, as soon as they pass over a Stargate in one of the Moon's many jungles, IIvan has them drop him off so he can once again attempt to get home.
IIvan and Extersial
Sikka, Trung, and IIvan, defending their stock of Slurm
Jawas, astro-nav droids, Yavin IV, and the Galactic Empire are from the 1977 film STAR WARS (aka Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope). Naut Numb is a Sullistan, a race that first appeared in RETURN OF THE JEDI (1983). Sikka is a Lepi, a rabbit-based race first seen in Marvel Comics' 1978 comic book Star Wars (issue 8), and her name is a play on Jessica Rabbit from the novel WHO CENSORED ROGER RABBIT (1981) by Gary K Wolf. Trung is a Flora colossus from Planet X, the same race as the Guardians of the Galaxy member Groot, and his race first appeared in Marvel Comics' TALES TO ASTONISH #13 (1960). Extersial is an Asogian, a race that first appeared in the 1982 movie E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial but was confirmed to exist in the RISE OF THE EMPIRE era of the Star Wars: Legends timeline in Star Wars: Episode I The Phantom Menace (1999), and the race was identified as Asogian in SkyeWalkers: A Clone Wars Story, a 2015 novella. Slurm is a highly addictive beverage from the animated series FUTURAMA (originally airing from 1999 to 2003, though it has been revived several times), but it has a different name in the era IIvan is currently in, which he finds ironic since the letters that spell the name in the alien alphabet look just like the letters that spell Slurm in English. 

Jedi (and IIvan) vs Darth Nihilus (possessing a padawan)

14 ABY (After the Battle of Yavin) - IIvan remains on Yavin IV, but travels 13 years into the future. As he arrived seemingly from nowhere and without a ship, IIvan is mistaken for a bounty hunter and detained by a Jedi named Taryn Raan, who uses his "Comprehend Speech" ability to determine that IIvan is mostly harmless, only to have IIvan surprise him by wolfing out and stealing his lightsaber.  Taryn quickly overcomes IIvan using the Force and takes him to Yavin IV, location of the new Jedi Academy.  There, IIvan meets several of Taryn's fellow trainees, including a Kryptonian maiden from the House of El and two who look like high elves. The training facility, which IIvan refers to as the "Skywalker Ranch", contains records of an alien god called Pomojema who may or may not be the same entity as Typhojem, and whose appearance is identical to that of Cthulhu, leading IIvan to believe that his new surroundings are much more dangerous than he already thought possible. His revelation that the 'gods' are known to him from their influence upon another world leads to IIvan working with a group of Jedi to help a padawan being possessed by Darth Nihilus, an ancient Sith, long dead, yet still tethered by the Force to the mask he once wore.
Taryn Raan is one of Luke Skywalker's trainees at his Jedi Academy following the events of RETURN OF THE JEDI in the Expanded Star Wars Universe, specifically just after the events in the 2003 Activision video game STAR WARS: JEDI KNIGHT: JEDI ACADEMY, as part of the NEW REPUBLIC ERA of the Star Wars: Legends timeline. The Kryptonian trainee is from the planet Krypton, which was first mentioned in ACTION COMICS #1 (1938) along with its most famous survivor, Superman, though this trainee more closely resembles Kara Zor-El, aka Supergirl, who first appeared in ACTION COMICS #252 (1959). The elven trainees appear to be from Hyrule, home of the characters from the LEGEND OF ZELDA series of video games, first released in 1986. A statue of Pomojema first appeared in the 1978 novel SPLINTER OF THE MIND'S EYE by Alan Dean Foster, though Typhojem is from BOOK OF SITH: SECRETS FROM THE DARK SIDE by Daniel Wallace (2012) and Cthulhu is from THE CALL OF CTHULHU, a 1928 story by Howard Phillips Lovecraft. Darth Nihilus appeared in STAR WARS: KNIGHTS OF THE OLD REPUBLIC videogames, set in The Old Republic era.

To Be Continued...

There is plenty more to add, as I have lots of evidence of IIvan's involvement with aliens across space and time, but I don't want to cover too much material to start with, so that the timelines will synch up when IIvan and Ivan eventually meet.

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